Have you ever felt frustrated at work because communication just wasn’t clicking? Maybe a coworker didn’t follow through on something, or you felt unheard during a discussion with your team—or your boss. These moments can leave us feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or even undervalued. You're not alone; I’ve been there too.
From my experience as a team member and working with teams as a team development facilitator, I’ve come to realize many workplace frustrations stem from the same core issue: a lack of clarity.
Clarity about what we need, clarity about our motivations, and, most importantly, clarity in how we communicate those needs to others. This isn’t just a personal problem—it can quickly become a team problem, a leadership problem, and a relationship problem that impacts everyone.
So, let’s dive into how understanding your own preferences and motivations (and those of others) can help you communicate expectations to reduce conflict at work, set clear expectations, and build stronger, more productive relationships in the workplace.
Start With You
Before you can communicate your expectations to someone else, you have to understand them yourself. This might sound simple, but when was the last time you stopped and asked yourself: What do I truly need in this relationship? What are my non-negotiables? What motivates me to show up here every day?
For me, this process often looks like journaling or taking a quiet walk. I ask myself questions like:
What’s frustrating me right now? What would make this relationship feel easier or more fulfilling?
Am I asking for something that’s truly important, or am I being influenced by what I think I should want?
The more honest you can be with yourself, the clearer your expectations will become.
Understand Your Triggers
Once you’ve pinpointed your needs, think about what happens when they aren’t met. This is where your motivations and triggers come into play. Maybe you feel disrespected when someone is late, signaling that you value punctuality because it shows respect. Or, if you don’t receive any affirming words from your boss you start feeling unsure of what they think about you which can help you identify that you need words of affirmation because they give you a sense of security. When needs like this aren’t met, it’s easy to feel hurt or frustrated.
The key is to separate the action from the intent. If someone shows up late or forgets to compliment you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care—it might just mean they don’t know how important it is to you.
Express, Don’t Assume
Here’s the hard truth: people can’t read your mind. Communicating expectations isn’t about being demanding or rigid; it’s about giving the people in your life a roadmap to better understand you.
Here’s a simple formula I’ve started using:
Name your need: “It’s important to me that…”
Explain why: “Because it makes me feel…”
Ask for collaboration: “How can we make this work?”
For example: “It’s important to me that we spend some uninterrupted time together each week because it makes me feel connected to you. How can we carve out that time?”
Notice how this shifts the conversation from blame to partnership?
Be Open to Hearing Their Needs
Relationships are a two-way street. Just as you have expectations, so does the other person. Once you’ve expressed your needs, invite them to share theirs. Ask questions, stay curious, and be open to compromise.
I’ve found that even when there’s a mismatch in expectations, having the conversation strengthens the relationship. You’re showing each other that you care enough to work through the tough stuff.
When you think back to your most intimate and deep relationships, aren’t those the people you went into the trenches with? Wading into these conversations signals trust because of the conversation's vulnerable nature, which creates more trust, instead of living in a “fake” peace.
Give Yourself (and Others) Grace
Here’s a little secret: no one is going to get this perfect, including you.
Communicating expectations takes practice, and even then, you’ll have missteps. That’s okay. Relationships are about progress, not perfection.
When things don’t go as planned, reflect on what could be done differently next time, and don’t be afraid to revisit the conversation.
A Final Thought
Understanding your preferences and communicating your expectations isn’t just a tool for relationships—it’s an act of self-awareness and self-respect. You’re honoring who you are and inviting others to do the same.
And when you do that, you stop living in resentment and instead create the space for deeper, more meaningful connections.
If this resonates with you, let me know by commenting—what’s one expectation you want to communicate more clearly in your relationships? I’d love to hear how you’re growing in this area.
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